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The Starter Wife

by Daphne Parker Powell

/
1.
I will stand in your rain if I can stand in your sun You swing from the stars that I strive for Once I was tame, he left as he came And I’m once again just like the others Now timid at first and dying of thirst I’m seized with desire to awaken Lovely indeed what cannot be seen And also cannot be forsaken I shall be quiet and I shall be patient And sit at a distance from you For I know the gold of the wheat fields now And I will not forget the truth
2.
When you asked me to be your wife We promised each other the rest of our lives What nature gives she will reclaim Now it’s overgrown with vines A beautiful ruin I visit from time to time I didn’t ask for much The first time we touched Somehow a decade goes by You check your watch then ask the time And pour another glass of what gets you by There are things they never teach you And there are gifts you cannot buy There are no atheists in foxholes And I was not meant to I was not meant to I was not meant to, I was not meant to I was not meant to be a starter wife I just wish that you could say For every time I’ve held this pain To buy your freedom You are truly as happy as you said you’d be
3.
Under the blue tv screen light I argue with the paint under my fingernails Like a corpse and nobody’s closed its eyes Your back under my fingernails In the quiet moments we’ve just stolen I close my eyes and feel us fall apart I hear you breathing, so hard not believing In a lie you’ve never told me You’ll kiss my throat and run the water warm And I know you don’t mean me any harm But you cover me like the water on my shoulders And tell me you might love me when we’re older And we can laugh at the parts of me That are a walking contradiction What will it be, give up on me Or count the gifts that we’ve been given Cast me gently to the breeze Watch me fall, then watch me spread my wings I carry my cage in my clutches So I will never fly too close to the sun When I said I loved you I meant I loved you You closed your eyes and tried to fall apart And we pass through this quiet moment It’s so damn long for being so damn short
4.
It was something like heartache and something like heaven as well I borrow my troubles by dreading tomorrow like hell You sing something about us destroying the things we love most As I spend these last moments together as pale as a ghost You say “when will you ever forgive yourself? I believe that our demons could dance You could let go a little, I’d take the lead If you just give me half a chance” If I could speak openly without fear of driving you off I’d wonder how could something so hard comes from something so soft You say “I haven’t been in love with you in years” And I say “when will you ever forgive yourself? I believe that our demons could dance You could let go a little, I’d take the lead If you just give me half a chance”
5.
I could never hold it close to my vest I could never still the storm in my chest I’ve never loved anything more than regret But I was never supposed to meet you like this Leave it to me to imprison myself with my freedom Leave it to me to drag demons kicking and screaming To the gates of heaven and expect to be let in Maybe it’s the way that we’ve never kissed Maybe I have no right to miss you like this Maybe it’s the universe taking a piss Maybe every mile is a blessing and blessings have always been Easy for me to resist Romantic and cynic have both had their say Neither ever really had a surefire way So we shoot into darkness and hope we don’t miss And I was never supposed to meet you like this
6.
Clear Blue 01:46
Out of the clear blue and into the who knew This is the time of year For the wildest of storms and the rushing of warm air It brings How can we claim not to expect What is sure as the sun to follow Why do you hunch your shoulders as if you could dissuade the rain? I’d sooner plant myself among the things it feeds And find myself drenched with the hope of growing Won’t you come lie down with me?
7.
The lines around your eyes cut deep You know it sets my heart at ease To see you’ve spent these years Smiling Two empty cups of coffee here A silence tempered by the years A lifetime in a moment No words could ever fill Only in my darkest night Is is clear as day and sure as night For all the freedom I was seeking I’d just carry my cage with me When I go, when I do There are things I meant to tell you Things I’m sure you know That I’ll carry my cage with me I will carry my cage with me When I go, when I go It is the devil that I know It is the devil that I know
8.
Ghosting 02:16
Darkness on the edge of town Little flame of sun finally dying down Here you are again ghosting like a dream The last thing on my mind as I’m drifting off to sleep I search for grace and elegance To hide away my human frailty from you But you’ll still be regardless The first thing on my mind as I open up my eyes To a cold but kind day dawning Spring is yawning and opening her arms There is an anger to this river The current strong enough to steal away my breath The icy honest shiver As I lift up my skirts and surrender what is left To that cold but kind day dawning You are yawning and opening your arms
9.
Tomorrow won’t remember what we said or did tonight The tee shirt on the light to soften all the lines The great anticipation of ‘I know my time will come’ The timid shadow shortened by the reckless rising sun You’ll kiss every freckle but you cannot kiss my mouth My tiny nose will wrinkle, but I’ll swallow every breath For fear I’ll send a signal that you’re leaving me bereft Tomorrow won’t remember the fits and starts of time Like the record with the scratches that skips my favorite line Desperation left me some years before you came And I’ve let my knuckles loosen a little on the reins Yet here I sit inside the gate in stamping steaming sweat Waiting for the shot to pop to race whomever’s left As if there were a finish line and after I could rest
10.
I have been the poison and I could be the cure For whatever reason you never asked for any more Than my unbridled passion, brushbacks and all A cold rain comes down to wash away the score I have struck out looking so many times that I’ve lost track Found out just much it takes to break my back Nothing ever came so quickly or took so long to go As my place at your side on Murderer’s Row Out on the lost highway where the darkness lingers I found the light of the stars in the band around my finger I’m a walking contradiction, but as I live and breathe You were the one who made an honest woman out of me
11.
They say that hope is the cruelest drug And I’m too restless to ever give it up It hangs like flowers hang their scent in air It slips through fingers like it was never there And I’d say it’s high time that I had it out with fate Baby tell me, baby tell me that you’ll make it worth the wait I get nervous when they mention g-d To need forgiveness to cover up your fraud To walk in grace with what was meant to be Feels like a punchline and the fool is me That’s what they tell me, that’s what they say, that I can carry all this weight But I am tired, and I am praying that you’ll make it worth the wait They say that someday I’ll look back on this And laugh like thunder at the hit or miss I’m going under, try to hold my breath When every shaking head is like a little death And I’d say it’s high time that I had it out with fate Baby tell me, baby tell me that you’ll make it worth the wait

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released October 14, 2022

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Daphne Parker Powell New Orleans, Louisiana

For her sixth album, The Starter Wife singer-songwriter Daphne Parker Powell swan dives into a maelstrom of divorce and rises from the wreckage weary, wiser, and ready to take herself a whole lot less seriously. This is cinema verite in song, boldly exploring the disposability of forever after. ... more

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